It's 3 In the Morning and I Still Have a Paper to Write

So currently, at this moment, in New York, it is 3:03 am. I have a paper to write that is due at 7 am. Yet I am sitting here writing a blog. If this isn't procrastination I don't know what is.

I didn't sleep AT ALL, because I decided not to take my ambien. Very bad idea! I have been up all night, and instead of writing my paper like a normal person, I decided to cuddle with my pillow and stare at the wall.

SICK NIGHT GUYS!!!!!

Strikes of Thoughts

So I really needed to pee. I walk into the bathroom and a thought strikes me. Why do people get their ideas when they're on the toilet? What is it about the "porcelain throne" that gets those brain juices flowing? I'm not one to sit there and think while I'm peeing. I like to get in, get out, and be done. Kind of like sex.

Robert

On September 14, 2010 I had a life changing... experience.

Well let me start from the beginning. This day was like any other day. I had a long ass day at school, as per usual, came and fell asleep on the couch. Normal day.

That was until my step-dad Bob runs out of the house screaming. So of course I'm like what the hell is wrong with you! As he was running out of the house I managed to catch the words Rob, hospital, mom, call. So I figured out that Rob, my oldest brother had gotten into an accident and he was in the hospital and I had to call my mom.

Now Rob, being Rob, is the most accident prone guy I've ever met. He wrapped his car around a pole once and climbed out the window saying, "I need a cigarette and a cell phone!" But that was Rob. The kid survived 9/11 and walked over the brooklyn bridge to a coworkers house. He's luck was honestly amazing.

Finally getting in touch with my mom after an hour of trying to get in touch with her. We were driving to the hospital in silence. We knew it was bad, but no one was telling us anything.

We pull up to see Bob, my sister Dawn and Rob's fiancee Toni crying. My mom rushed to my step-dad while I ran to Toni and Dawn. Dawn just held me crying while Toni laid her head on my back crying.

"Do you want to see him?" Dawn asked pulling back to look at me. I shook my head no. I wasn't ready to see what he looked like. I had trouble seeing people sick and in the hospital.

"You need too see him." Toni said taking my head. Fuck me.


I sighed walking into the hospital and through the steel doors. I thought it was weird how the security just let us in without any questions. I guess they were seeing the same people walking in and out. I saw a man sitting on the chair on the phone next to a door. At the time nothing requested to me.

I walked through another door to see Frank, Rob's friend standing next to a body laying on a bed, with a white sheet over him. I ran out of the room and slid down the floor next to the sitting man.

I just cried. You never expect to see you're oldest brother so weak. It's not normal. I know I had a nurse talking to me, and he ended up picking me up and putting me in a chair, but I don't really remember much about that part.

I do remember seeing the man's face. A look of recognition crossed mine as I realized it was Steve, my older brother. He was the third kid, after Rob and Dawn.

He was crying to his mom on the phone. (We all have different parents, but that's a story for another time.) He kept saying the word gone. Gone. It kept repeating in my head. Gone. Gone. Holy shit...... he's gone. My brother's gone. 

"Rob's dead!" I screamed out in shock as my sobs took over. My body shook from the screams that erupted from my body. If someone were to ask what it had sounded like, the best expression would be animalistic. It had sounded like someone had just ripped my heart out and stabbed me in the back. Like I had been hit by a semi-truck, traveling at 100 miles per hour. My heart was broken and there was no way of fixing it.

I didn't just lose my brother, I lost my friend.